I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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