I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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