new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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