Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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