what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
