Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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