Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am naked and annoyed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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