my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
