I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize