don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
