just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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