I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
