Whod you bang
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
