i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
