Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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