Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
