Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
