This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
