can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We're too hungover to prance.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
