Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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