Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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