a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Everything about him screamed your future.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize