He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
