I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
