Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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