I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize