Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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