bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
