2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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