seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
