I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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