Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
