and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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