1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
