so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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