something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize