You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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