he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
