I accidentally had phone sex last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
