Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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