eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
