in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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