my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
