From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize