dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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