Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
