I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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