Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
