Kiss
Puke
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
