Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
