right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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