the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
