it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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