Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize