I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
