her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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