Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
