your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
