I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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