She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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