Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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