I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
