um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
