then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
