My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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