Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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