pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
