I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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